i’ve been pausing to write for quite some time. and i think just now i realize why.

 

truthfully, so many times i went home from the clinic i worked for the past 10 months with thoughts and ideas and sentences and when it was the time i sat and opened my laptop…

 

i was hella lazy to type them.

 

i made excuses, like, “i’m exhausted“; or “maybe tomorrow“; or “i still need time to gather some more stories“; or the worst of all “what should be the title?”

 

and tonight. i’m breaking free. i couldn’t care less about the fricking title.

 

then an epiphany hit me.

 

not knowing the title, is actually like us living this life.

 

us here goes to the fresh graduates.

us here goes to the fellow 20s.

us here goes to you who are still figuring out what to do with your life.

 

the question of the future might come a little late to my class and me. FYI, i went to Dentistry in Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogyakarta, Indonesia. the path i took was all normal. i didn’t accelerate during Junior or High School. so, that made me 18 year-old when i started Dentistry in 2009. the target the faculty gave to us was to graduate in THREE AND HALF years with FOUR years curriculum. i managed to graduate in THREE years  AND TEN months.

 

when friends in other faculties were already panicking about jobs – or probably even getting married, at that time, my friends and i basically were focusing on the extra TWO years as co-Assistant  in order to acquire the title drg or dokter gigi or dentist.

 

all in all, it’s nearly SIX YEARS, our lives had been neatly scheduled. when the sixth year was almost over, we just had that panic attack.

 

“OM-ACA-G, WHAT TO DO.”

 

well. i know that i had to get a job. the thing was, i had too many questions that Google couldn’t give me answers.

 

what kind of job?

where can i get the job?

so that means i don’t get to hang out with my friends again?

what if i did wrong?

what if i didn’t get the diagnosis right?

what if i didn’t know what to do with the patient?

what if i didn’t know how to write the meds prescription?

what if i couldn’t make enough money?

what if

what if

what if

 

those ‘what ifs’ are thoughts when i was thinking about a title of a post. those ‘what ifs’ are the ones that holding me back from writing. those ‘what ifs’ are undoubtedly necessary to be considered, but to make a great leap, we all need small step first.

 

what i’m saying is:

 

it’s always good to have big plans, but don’t let it confine you. don’t let it define you; instead, YOU are the one who is the rightful person to define the title.

 

improvisation and plot twist are two elements we often see in good shows, moreover the live ones. and guess what? our lives are not recorded shows, so naturally, yeah. at some points we are required to improvise; and at some points there will be plot twist(s). we wouldn’t be able to do so if we don’t keep moving on.

 

it is hella scary, the whole concept of graduating, finding that one perfect job, moving out, and so on. at least, we still have GoogleMaps if we’re lost in our new place. i can’t imagine what would have happened to Neil Armstrong if he wasn’t that brave discovering the Moon then suddenly he got lost…

 

well, that’s a motivation for all of us. we are not totally lost, LOL.

 

in short, i’m not trying to look wiser or anything as if i’ve figured out my life, but for my dear fellows, i really think that you shouldn’t waste everything that’s already in front of you. every small thing is something you can use to compose your own definition to life.

if what you’ve already get is the only thing you have, do your best anyway, while also pursuing what you really want. you have to believe that the Universe will align and you will get what you’ve been dreaming.

 

anyways. i’m in different place now. fingers crossed, i’m aiming for another title in the next TWO and HALF years to continue my passion as a lecturer. i’m currently enrolling the Oral Medicine Specialty in Universitas Airlangga, Surabaya, which has been my lifelong dream. and i live alone in an 11th-floor studio. and i can not wait to explore ALL of the malls in Surabaya.

 

let’s start the improv 😉

 

-aga-

 

PS. these people are my classmates. small number, but i hope we can support each other together till the end 🙂

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