Tag Archive: relationship


simple?


what i’m about to write is probably rather controversial, because it’s pure coming from my own thought. and this thought has bothered me quite long enough it’s driving me nuts.

 

i feel like slapping those who said that marriage is a simple thing. if i could have any chances, i would. repeatedly.

 

marriage is nowhere near simple. a man can say that he’s eligible enough to take a girl’s hand in marriage, but guess what, it’s not only his opinion whether he’s eligible or not.

 

assumption without recognition is nothing but narcissism.

 

where do we get the recognition? at least from both family to be joined by the marriage.

 

the thing is, it might not be earned in the very short period.

 

see that relationships take their own roads at their own speeds. i see that we hope one day we will be spending the rest of our lives with the one we love, but the path towards that goal is in fact not only one. even i believe that each one of us has at least one, maybe more paths, although eventually we are heading to the same direction.

 

don’t blame those who change partners so frequently. they might have no clue, yet, as to what they’re looking for as a partner. there might be some talking behind, but as human being, what do we talk about if not about other human being?

 

it’s not really a crime to have some experiences before you settle with the one. yes, there will be broken heart(s). but taken from one of my fav teenager serial, Wizards of Waverly Place, Alex’s mum once said:

i’m not saying that it’s a pleasant kind of feeling. but it’s a worth lesson for life.

 

so, i congratulate you, if you happen to meet the one in the nick of time, and his/her parents instantly approve your marriage without asking for any requirements or anything. and you two are married in a week or maybe two weeks after, even though you say that it’s a simple wedding or such. from the bottom of my heart, i’m happy for you.

 

but i can not take it if you say that every marriage is the same simple thing as you experienced before. you are more than deserve to say such thing if you have married at least ten times and all of them are as simple as your first.

 

like, i say that Cheetos is good cause i’ve had it since i was little, i’ve had it for dozens of times, so i know for sure that it’s good.

 

all i’m saying is there is no disadvantage coming from your experience. and it’s easy being simple, but being simple is not always easy.

 

-aga-

big of a deal


something happened today had me thinking quite long.

 

back then when i was teenager, i used to bother myself with “why friends my age are making big of a deal about boyfriend/girlfriend?”

 

i used to be so irritated whenever they were so clingy and too dependable to their partner. i used to think that romantic relationship wasn’t crucial – at that time.

 

and now i see why.

 

it’s all about what we know and what we don’t know.

 

our knowledge affects our opinion and point of view.

this fact is a thing people tend to ignore in having communication with each other. we so often listen to reply, instead of doing so to understand.

 

in my previous experience, i did admit that i didn’t have that many relationships which perhaps lead me into throwing cynical and skeptical opinions. even worse, i refused to try to apprehend their explanations. this had me going nowhere but selfishness.

 

what happened to me today was nothing near romantic relationship. it’s actually about this ginormous test i’m taking in couple weeks which will determine my competence of being a real dentist; and about a friend leaving to study abroad in early September.

another close friend suggested to meet up right around when my test will be held. i proposed, that if somehow i can’t make it, they can meet first and leave me since that friend won’t have much time either, while i’ll still be able to bid a farewell at the day of the flight.

 

and i’m quite surprised that my proposal didn’t get a good reception.

 

i mean, do you know how important this test is to me? for this time, i can not and i will not split my focus in something i can still do later.

you might as well ask what the test is about and how big of a deal it is for me.

 

that is the next point.

about how big of a deal you put on each of your business.

 

no matter when, some people would still think that having romantic relationship is less substantial than having good seats in the theater.

or graduating is less significant than having as much experience as possible.

or saving up your salary is less crucial that spending them on books and games.

 

it’s about how you make big of a deal of something. and make people to listen and try to reason with why you put it above anything else.

 

-aga-

home


i really am not the person you should ask when it comes to relationships and whatnot. cause, frankly, what do i know?

 

however, i do realize that when it’s about this kind of thing, one head often isn’t enough to bear it. and it’s the nature of us girls that we basically need to talk about everything. whether it’s just to cheer up our bad day with some laughter and gossip, or to solve problems, or – most of the times – to find acknowledgment of decision we already commit to.

 

by no mean to act as if i’m experienced in this kind of thing, lately i’ve been having this thought swirling around my mind. i’ve been wanting to type these up from long time ago, but i need to be extra cautious cause some are not my own life events.

 

as you might already know, there is a pretty huge difference between the words ‘house’ and ‘home’. according to Cambridge Dictionary, house is used to refer to a building. while home is used to describe a more personal and emotional way to refer to where someone lives which is not always a house, could be apartment or just anywhere we feel comfortable and safe.

 

i actually wrote a post about home back then. a bit random , tho, lol.

 

 

in my mind, for the past few years, i guess. i’ve always thought that i’d be living in an apartment. pretty much got influenced by those serials on cable and the novels which the characters mostly lived in an apartment.

like Friends. see how much fun i picture it, living in an apartment? it’s simple.

 

i realize there are some downsides of living in an apartment. but i really can’t find if any of them is a deal breaker of not living in an apartment.

 

although, it’s pretty cool to have a really big house complete with ranch, barn, horses to ride, and also pool. kind of like country houses.

 

nevertheless, what’s really the point of having not only house but also home? why is it some kind of racism to differ house from home?

 

in my opinion, it’s because at some point we all want to go away, as far as we can be, from the place we came from, but eventually we are having one same desire to come home.

 

and what makes a house become home, again, in my opinion, is the people who live in it. people you can call as ‘family’.

 

i never quite get the feeling of coming home. i often question why my friends who lives out of town get so excited when we have some days off and they rush to find any way to go home. in my mind, it’s too exhausting cause they will spend most times on the trip. however there was one time when i still lived apart from my mum. at that time i was very sick. not the kind of that i had to be admitted to hospital or anything, but enough to make me want to be near my mum. i forced myself to go through an-eight-hour road trip, and amazingly enough, i got better very quickly just by sleeping in my mum’s bed and eating her dish.

 

so i conclude that it really is about the people, about the family, that makes a house become home.

 

when we are young, the only family we have is our nuclear family. whether you are aware or not, sooner or later there will be another families in our lives. friends from the boarding house. some closest friends in college. and pretty soon enough, your own family. then your significant other’s family. and they keep adding up. some stay as family. some change into… not anymore.

 

as i make this personal, i think a home is fundamental because at the end of the day, you want to be sure you have somewhere to crash in, something to fill your tummy, and someone to accompany your night with.

 

i’ve always imagined, if a family has established their existence by having home, there will never be anything wrong going on with them. i mean, what else do you need? by having any place you can call home, you have place to live. you have wife or husband to comfort you.

 

i guess for a person who calls others naive even moron for many times, i am more naive than that.

 

the fact is, people fight. they separate. eventually they get divorced.

 

apparently, the presence and existence of a ‘home’ is not always enough to keep family together, to maintain the only thing, that i can think of, that makes house become home.

 

so really the focus is about building the family itself.

 

one downside i recently found from being too involved in the world of science is that everything has to have explanation. even in falling  in love, gosh you know what they say about it, about the hormones and everything. BBC Science wrote it here. you can find every explanation on Google nowadays, right?

 

what i couldn’t Google up is “who is my significant other“, “when will i find my significant other“, “when will i get married“.

 

yeah i know there’s this application on Facebook which tells you when you’ll get married, but come on, you know that’s just some joke. you will never really know.

 

what i learn is that, family is not about chemistry. it’s more about the hard work to understand, tolerate and accept. as much cynical as that sounds, it’s true.

 

nobody is perfect. that is one.

people don’t change. that is two.

 

sadly enough, our imperfection, things what we can not change, are sum up of what we receive from our environment since we were kids. that means: since we were in our nuclear family.

 

with all of that imperfections, it’s quite amazing to know that God have assigned us one (true) significant other. and the journey to find that one… begins.

 

honestly, i don’t know much. i haven’t had my own family. yet. soon, i hope. uhm, but, since this kind of thing can’t be explained by theorem or proved by formula, i think you’re gonna need much of your sense. you’re gonna try to trust your feeling. you’re gonna learn by doing.

 

it might not stick on the first try, i know i didn’t. not everything is fairytale.

 

but i hope you’ll know when it’s the time. when it’s the moment. to let other in, to let you out. to give and get. to fill and be filled. to reciprocate. to come home.

 

guess not only tango which needs two, huh?

 

-aga-