i sometimes have this thing with movies.

 

thing like i have urge to watch a particular movie, but i postpone to watch it, for days, or months, even years. and suddenly when i watch it, maybe 2 years late, even 7 years late… the movie actually suits me very well at the moment. like, IF i watched it exactly when it first came out, i wouldn’t have related to the movie as much, and the movie wouldn’t have left any impression for me.

 

that thing happened this afternoon.

 

the movie i watched was Up In The Air (2009).

 

i remember when it first came out as a ‘coming soon’ on a movie magazine, i couldn’t help but excited just because George Clooney and Anna Kendrick were in it. George Clooney had some portion in my brain as Batman and Danny Ocean; while Anna Kendrick as Scott Pilgrim’s sister and – of course – Beca Mitchell; although back then Pitch Perfect might be still a blurry concept.

 

anyway. finally i watched the movie.

 

but i have to talk about something before i can relate to the movie.

 

so, about a week ago i attended this training as a part of my employment as one of young lecturers in my almamater uni. i gotta say that the training was beyond my expectation. unfortunately, half of it was because – in my word – it was a sugarcoated brainwash.

 

i expected that we were supposed to be taught how to be a good – if not great – lecturers by improving our skills in teaching, speaking, planning on the curriculum and mark percentage; or… else.

 

instead, we were forced to do researches as much as we could, because the only parameters to judge if a lecturer is good or not is only through the publications, which also could effect of the uni’s rank. so they thought this would be a win-win solution.

 

deep in my heart, i said a loud: NO.

 

this is not right.

 

being forced is actually a very light diction. i was about to use the word “enslaved”.

 

the way i see it, we were asked to leave any human contact – apart with another researchers – because we need to commit to the research 24/7. what i came up with, pretty sure not one they look forward to. but i couldn’t help it because for 5 days of training, basically that was what they kept repeating. for the first time, it was mind blowing and eye opening. but for the third, fourth, tenth, fifteenth… i was somewhat sick.

 

it’s like slapstick comedy. it’s hilarious at the first time, but repulsive for the next times.

 

as i said, for 5 days of training, they didn’t say anything about maintaining your career with your personal life, as if we didn’t have any. even the women speaker didn’t mention it, not in the slightest.

 

then i just kept this for myself. because maybe, it’s just me who think of it. and i’m basically doomed.

 

it’s when Up In The Air showed up.

 

Natalie Keener, the one Anna Kendrick portrayed, got dumped by his boyfriend in the middle of the movie. then, she said:

 

“Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it’s not gonna matter until I find the right guy.”

 

OMG, I’M NOT ALONE.

 

people who wrote that script, that exact lines… get me.

 

7 years ago, when i just got in uni, i wouldn’t have understood what that means.

 

now. it goes right to the feels, bro.

 

what i’m trying to point is not the “right guy” part.

 

i’m actually aiming for “personal life” part.

 

even the most personal business in someone’s life needs companion.

 

perhaps, in training i didn’t get that from any of the speakers. perhaps it’s because they happen to already have spouses who are right, so they can understand their work, how much they’re demanded, and how they can compromise with each others’ conditions.

 

and i guess, because it’s so personal, we can not equalize every lives, can we?

 

you know, may be i just needed assurance. i just needed other people to say it, to agree with me, that it’s still important to have personal life.

 

why do i think that having personal life is so fundamental, if you ask?

 

well.

 

humans were created with hearts for a purpose.

 

being personal is the only chance we have to fully use our hearts.

 

we’re nothing different with robots if we don’t use our hearts.

 

well. i think i ended this post quite nicely. not bad after quite some time i didn’t write, lol.

 

-aga-