i don’t know about you…

but i’m feeling twenty-two~~~o-ooooh~~~


nawh, i was joking.


i don’t know about you, but  somehow i have trouble in expectation. moreover, when i’m being expected.


see as first born, i had already been being expected to achieve  many things as a predecessor, or, a path opener for the next child (children), aka my sibling(s). not being rude or ungrateful, but i find it that my parents set up quite immense goals for me. unconsciously, i happened to reach them before i finally realize this.


i might have slightly disappointed them in certain ways.


all i could recall, i was in a fairly good schools, with a fairly good grades, fairly pleasant extracurricular, got accepted in a fairly reputable uni, and graduated with fairly cum laude-y title. yet, i still sense i lack in so many things. i still feel that they expect me to grab more. and more. and more.


so they’re not kidding when they say that human’s desire is infinite.


to put it simpler, it is as if no matter how excellent i did, it’s still not outstanding enough.



it rather sucks to expect you’d get birthday present, at your birthday, but you don’t.

it sucks twice more to be the one who is expected to give the present, but you can’t.


it’s been awhile since i struggled to engraft this thought in my mind that “we can not fulfill people’s expectations“. that’s why it’s always better to live in our own happiness term.


it turns out to be shuck hard.


being indifferent is hard.

cause who can stop billions of mouths out there to speak, another billions of minds to think, ten billions of fingers to type, also two billions of eyes to watch, and don’t forget the two billions of ears to listen?


from all that much, how many you can actually block to stop influencing your thoughts? i know Kelly Clarkson sings “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger~“. but even diamond has it’s breaking point. imagine how fragile human’s breaking point.

and sometimes the ones you see as the strongest person, only puts tremendously amount of act at being strong. you’ll never know.


i can say things like this because i know from heart how hurtful it is to be expected but i can not gain it.

how people see you not as how you are, and expect you to be a person they think you are.

how you wish you could grant all of those expectations, but you know that it’s impossible.


if you are a Dashner Army, you’ll get this feeling as if you’re Thomas. he was expected to find a cure for the Flare. he was expected to save Newt. but he failed. big time.


expectation kills, they say.

they couldn’t be more right.