oh boy do i crave ice cream.


but unfortunately i’m having my period and me momsy said that whenever girls have their periods, cold foods and beverages are forbidden. me momsy said something about cold ignites cysts even tumor, but i haven’t really looked it up although that makes sense, so yeah i don’t see the point of ignoring it.


anyways, i’m learning to bake various cookie these days. right after i failed/not-failed with the choco chip cookie, i decided not to make anything with palm sugar as ingredients. i don’t know what’s wrong with my taste buds, they can’t seem to accept the taste of palm sugar.


like couple weeks ago,  i made this choco-corn flake cookie that turned out quite good. then the next week i moved forward with kaasstengels aka cheese cookie. and i plan to make this pineapple jam cookie called nastar in indonesia, when suddenly…


me momsy asked this:

“we still have palm sugar, don’t we?”


we sure do, mom. we sure do. i bought one extra palm sugar before that failed/not-failed choco chip cookie. carefully, i answered her,

“yes. why?”


she then showed a cheese-corn flake cookie recipe and said,

“i think we should make this for your grandma so that she won’t have to bother to make cookies for Eid al Mubarak.”


i let out relieved sigh, that means we don’t have to finish the cookie cause i surely can not.


despite the resentment i have for palm sugar, i eventually made the cheese-corn flake cookie with all my heart. i have to say that baking gives this moment of silence, tranquility being alone mixing this and that, shaping and decorating. baking forces you to concentrate on the dough, the oven, the temp and time. baking makes you forget all problems you have aside those batter you’re mixing.


not that i have that much problems, but i like it when i don’t need to care about anything else but my cookie. almost like in real life, i wonder why people tend to (pretend) to care too much about other people’s business that is not theirs.


i personally am glad that i can enjoy the cookies that i made by myself. not the cookie me momsy made that i helped. because this would be my cookie.


don’t you ever feel like annoyed when you’re doing your thing and then people barged in and interfere although in subtle ways, although it doesn’t change anythng…

but still, it’s annoying.


i don’t know if it’s only me, haha.


so yeah, about that ice cream. i’m actually in the point where it doesn’t really matter what’s the flavour, it’s more about whom i want to eat it with.

i don’t know if it’s about the ice cream or the current situation in Ramadhan, i miss my two girl friends from the community service back then in Bangka three years ago, Charina and mbak Nina. one night, we had blackout when we supposed to go to mosque to have night prayers (Isya’ and Tarawih), but we three chose to pray by ourselves in the hut after the light went back on and spent the blackout time with playing fireworks and took pictures, kekeke. and we gazed into the night sky, mesmerized by the stars, shared stories about a comic Charina read that in China, the pollution was so thick, the night sky was clouded by smoke, and a boy flew kites with lamps they resembled stars.

or the two buckets ice cream we had about a year ago in mbak Nina’s room, we three ate them in less than half an hour, while enjoying each other company.



as much as i miss those girls and the ice cream, i can’t stop staring at this old black jacket that right now is on my bed. i remember to share two-scoop ice cream with the owner of the jacket after visiting this museum, then two months later he – yes, it’s a he, now you know – must go forth chasing better future out of town and i can’t tell you how much courage i needed to gather to ask for his jacket hahaha.

one of the best requests i’ve ever made.


the thing is, his jacket gives the feeling like he’s always around. while the fact is, he isn’t.


this defines what missing is.

missing is feeling like something or someone never left, but is leaving.


i realize that a lot define missing as bad thing.

however, to miss means to give time to both parties to build memories. to appreciate little things. to be patient as in timing your oven. and believe it or not, to add flavour. perhaps, to the ice cream that you can not wait to have.