the weather is extremely HOT lately. i’m this kind of person who loves blanket and always uses it, whether it’s night sleep or just an afternoon nap. but last night, boy, i couldn’t handle it. i basically kicked the blanket out of the bed. gaaah, it’s terrible.


this situation makes me miss the town i lived in before, Malang. the town is located in highland, surrounded by mountains, so the everyday weather tends to be cold. i lived in Malang for about 17 years, from kindergarten until high school.

i can recall when i was in 5th and 6th grade of elementary school, the class began at 6 a.m. and i lived quite far from the school which forced me to take a bath at 4.30 a.m. so that at 5 a.m. the shuttle wagon could pick me up.


when i think about it, 17 years is such a very long time. so when the time came for me to graduate high school, my dad had me this condition. he freed me to choose any faculty in any university that i wanted to go to, but the ones in Malang. there are some fair uni in Malang, even my dad is a lecturer in one of the uni. however, to continue uni in Malang, is the very last choice – if not prohibited, hahaha.


i once considered to continue to the neighbour country uni in Malaysia, taking Commerce instead of Medicine. that’s why i learned IELTS and TOEFL and eventually took iBT (internet Based TOEFL) as one of the requirements. they asked for minimum score of 580 (PBT) or 92-93 (iBT) if i wanted to enroll without attending the Foundation Year – that means, i could save a year and finish uni faster.

i got 98 for my iBT but for some reasons, the requirements were no longer available for me to skip the Foundation Year. and for the financial reason, i had to cancel my plan to study abroad. instead, i ended up to study Dentistry here in Yogyakarta.


first time in Yogyakarta, i was alone. i knew nobody. i had different dialect. i had to go through billions of introduction. i had no vehicle. i didn’t know where to eat. i was blind, i knew nothing. it was scary.


for my whole life, i was never alone whenever it’s time to advance to next grade. even from elementary to junior high, junior high to high school, i always almost met the same people just different classroom. this time, i was alone. so yes, it was scary.


but guess what?

since it’s an entirely new environment, nobody knew who i was, nobody knew what i liked, nobody knew nothing about me. it’s almost like being reincarnated. i could act crazy and nobody needed to know that i hadn’t always been crazy before.


about a month ago, a friend and i had a talk about Journalism organization we were once in. i was the secretary then got promoted to be the editor in chief. then she asked me about my organizational activity during my middle school.


i said:

i was an anti-social back then. i didn’t join any organization. i hated the jocks. i hated the flag-raisers troop. i thought that they were so pompous, conceited, cocky just because they were popular. i didn’t socialize much. i went straight to home right after the bell rang.


then my friend told me that somehow she doesn’t see me that way during the college. she thought that i’ve always been the kind of person who comes up with ideas and breakthroughs in every discussion since i worked as lab work assistants in three different subjects during college and my position in the Journalism.


honest to say, i did want my life to change. i never really planned this to happen but somehow, it’s just the way i lived my life ever since i got into this uni in this new city.


i think everyone, once in a while, ever feels like to have this restart button. just like a game console, when you don’t like the progress, you can do it over again.

like those movies, people dying to get the clean slate so that they can do over their life.

in my case, my clean slate is not by erasing my entire identity and create a new one. i just moved to a new environment and adapt.


i maybe still am an anti-social. but i’m forced to set aside that trait because of my new environment. i also don’t socialize much. i avoid hanging out, sitting in a cafe with a bunch of people i’m not really close with. i’d rather stay at home and watching House MD again and again. but there’s nothing wrong with greeting people you meet everyday, it’s just being nice and polite.

because from what i believe, people don’t change. they adapt. and that’s my adaptation.


desire of wanting a clean slate usually comes from saturation. easiest way to get rid of the saturation is to do something new and probably different. it doesn’t have to be really extreme. sometimes small change is just enough for you to adapt then decrease even dump the saturation.

for example, if you’re bored with your room, you don’t have to instantly move out and look for new house. you can stick some posters, or wall stickers, or luminous star decoration on your ceiling. maybe change the table position. get new shelf. get new lamps.

and if you’re sick of your life, my little suggestion:

get away.

go to the beach. go hiking. take a walk. just go far from your current life, for a little while.


sometimes your new experience will give you new point of view in living your life.

because having clean slate doesn’t mean creating the new you, just giving the same old you another chance to fix your life.