i hardly believe how people tried so damn hard to celebrate this thing called ‘New Year’. either the celebration itself is overrated or i get bitterer and bitterer each and everyday. it’s actually none of my goddamn business how people choose to, but with all of their overreacted celebrations, roads are basically filled more with vehicle, smoke, trash and plastics rather than some deep reminiscence, reflection, personal goals and resolutions.


FYI, none of us wants to be trapped in a boresome, stressful traffic jam.


quoting one of the books i managed to read in 2014,

“Didn’t people call New Year’s the loneliest night on the calendar?”

-The Time Keeper, Mitch Albom (2012)-


even if you’re in NY’s Times Square, watching the Ball Drop. even if you’re in some city square, standing under the fireworks. even if you’re in restaurant, eating with your family.


at some points, it’s impossible not to feel lonely because essentially, New Year is just another common day. will things instantly get better just because you throw away your old calendar? no. will your whole personality change just because you set up new resolutions and promises? no.


New Year is not the proof day. the entire year, each days of the year is the proof day(s).


i repeatedly say that people don’t change, it’s because people adapt instead. but either change or adaption, both take times and they usually don’t choose New Year to let people see the difference – trust me.


being said as time to reflect, it actually doesn’t have to be particularly done in New Year time. but somehow i managed to reflect to myself earlier this afternoon.


it’s about how easy people being so hypocrite. simplest example: doctors always prescribe tons of meds for their patients, but i reckon they don’t take that much meds when they’re sick because they know too much meds is not doing them any good either.


in my case, it’s about being selfish. i had no idea i’d be hurt more than what i should, when someone i consider pretty selfish saying that: i was being selfish and i shouldn’t have done a really selfish thing like what i did.


defense mechanism: being selfish is all i ever learn from that person.


another defense mechanism: we all are selfish in our own ways.


the smokers are selfish. they put poison in the air everybody breathes in.

the writers are selfish. they let people chop off millions of trees for their books.

the fishermen are selfish. they kill thousands of fish in a day to make living.

humans are selfish. they mine earth without being able to restore it.


so, yes. i was hurt enough. because naturally we are taught to be selfish.


if Adam wasn’t so selfish, he wouldn’t be with Eve. he might have waited until God created another male to be paired with Eve.


well. i guess it’s also the matter of making bigger of everything. lately people do that so many times. they expand minor news into some this-is-so-bloody-important thingy. like the marriage of some random TV faces, it was silly and so overrated. and i don’t know, people are so hot blooded recently. they get pissy too easily. they judge too harsh on everything – and i do mean every-fricking-thing.


no absolute right or wrong. who are we to judge? God? Gods? how many Gods do you want?


bleah, as usual, my post is scattered everywhere.


well. this is the first post in 2015. have a good year, peeps. and stay cool in living the life.