finally for weeks i’ve been trying to write something, i found what i want to write just now. while i was sitting on a chair at a bubble tea corner, at midday, trying to continue my story – which has been abandoned for years, and the fact was…

i couldn’t continue it.

i kept jumping back to the previous story i had written. and i kept changing things. the plot. the characters. the conflicts.

i stuck so many post-it as additional story. i scratched, erased, ripped too many pages. i marked more pages that had been fixed to be corrected again when later i type them on the computer.

i have known since long time ago how this story is going to end. oh boy, how i can not wait until it ends. but i want everything to… not perfect, but make sense.

i can just leave things i had put into words and move forwards. but as a new writer, i often left black holes, i missed few facts, i forgot things. that’s why i need to go back.

i just realized that no matter what our future will be, the past is one cornerstone that can’t be ignored.

that’s why people often say:
mistake can be forgiven, but not forgotten.

cause mistake is a part of our past. one brick that is included to build the future.

however, life is not a story on paper that could be changed, added, thrown away when it doesn’t go as we wanted. because, take it, we are only players in this life. players with ability to do as much ad-libs as we want. the Author has written each of our life story, the Author even has known the end of our life story.

as players, we could not go back and repair the broken past to have better future, cause there’s no fault when the Author assigns us a story. what we need to know is, past might be past but it’s what makes us us now and later.