hello, everybody! everything’s going fine, i hope?

mine’s been really awesome, emotionally, thanks to the one who’s been with me the whole times and hopefully forever after 🙂

 

however, i’m entering new block, it’s prosthodontics and pediatrics, that means, i’ll be dealing with elders and KIDS.

boy, kids are such challenge to deal with ><

they can be fun yet annoying almost at the same time ><

 

my friends and i have been doing some screenings to few elementary schools and kindergartens. and i can not tell how exhausting that has been. the kids are noisy and nosy. plus, i’m not really in a good condition with rather bad cold and cough, i lost my voice so many times because i had to shout at the kids just to calm them down for like 3 minutes tops.

 

i’ve got so many experiences from handling these kids, and i’m about to tell one 🙂

 

just this evening, i had epiphany when i took a shower.

 

we’re encouraged to expand our circles or comfortable zones not without any purpose.

see, i didn’t say that we need to leave our comfortable zones, instead i said ‘expand’. cause for an insecure person like me, i do prefer to be in my comfortable zone.

in my opinion, meeting new people means learning new characters. my line is going to intersect with their lines at some point. the more intersections i have along my line, the more i learn about them, about their characters, about their lives.

and kids are people too, who have experienced life even still in small scale which even in smallest amount will affect their future.

 

today, i went to this elementary school to take a look at the oral condition of the 2nd graders. to catch their attention, we made a silly quiz consisted of 8 questions. the 2nd question was rather difficult: a good tooth paste contains f _ _ _ _ _ _ e.

the answer is actually so easy – for us: f l u o r i d e.

but for a 2nd grader, they might not know yet how to spell fluoride.

 

most of the answers were, of course, wrong. even one kid wrote formalin as answer lol :))

 

but surprisingly, there was this one boy, who was so really very upset realizing the fact that he didn’t know what the answer was. he was frustrated, he started to kick his chair, smashing a wooden ruler, even dropped himself on the floor. and eventually, he cried.

‘just’ because he didn’t the answer.

 

when i asked for his paper to be collected, he refused. “i don’t know number 2”, he said.

i tried to appease him, and slowly asked for his paper. in the end he gave up, he let me collect his paper, but then he started to cry.

 

i was in shocked.

 

honey, dear, this wasn’t even gonna include in your report card. this was just a silly quiz to win one snack. why did you so upset? why did you feel that you have to be so perfect? do your parents force you to get everything correct? why do your parents do that?

 

so much questions that need answers in my head. i’m so curious to know, why? how?

 

the more i think, i get more confused.

 

i know that the easiest way to check someone’s achievement or intelligence is by judging his/her mark. what did you get for your test? A, B, C? 100, 90, 50? what’s your GPA? 4, 3.5, 2? how high is your IQ?

but personally, it feels wrong. so wrong.

 

but i don’t know how to appreciate the process someone’s been through other than their marks.

because in the end, we quantify it by numbers.

 

that gets me to the next problem.

i’m going to be parents of, i don’t know, twin boys, or 4 boys and girl like the Pevensies.

how to take care of them, how to teach and learn together with them, how to let them realize that marks, values, is not the only thing that’s important in life, how to make them understand that good process is necessary although there’s no guarantee and we all need to accept that reality, how to convince them that everything’s going to be alright?

 

i have awesome parents.

my mom is a great mom. she cooks, she takes care home and she teaches us not only maths and whatnot but also to pray and the importance of maintaining our relation with God.

my dad is super. he works very hard. he knows everything. he’s eager that his children know everything, he makes sure we get the best educations and very supportive to everything we choose even if it’s not the same with what he’s doing.

but i feel like i’m still imperfect in many, many ways even after all they’ve done. and i’m not sure whether i should feel bad or not of realizing this imperfection.

 

since i realize, nobody’s perfect, there’s no such thing as total perfection in this world.

i’ve given up being perfect for quite some times.

then again, i can’t let my parents down.

 

this contradiction sometimes bothers me and my complicated mind.

 

thaaaat brings me back to: how am i going to raise my children.

 

i hope i’ll have another epiphany when i take shower tomorrow morning.

 

-aga-

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