i write too much lately. but what the heck. one sure thing i know is never hold your idea once it pops in your mind, otherwise it’s just gonna waste away with your breath.

 

this evening, i got home really early, even before 4 pm. right when i took off my shoes, my brother yelled about him being late to wake up from his super-nap to meet his friend. when he was in the bathroom, i heard his alarm went off. i spoke to myself, “what’s the use of setting up an alarm you never wake up on, brother?”

 

but then i realize that i do that. everyday.

 

i set up alarm gradually from 3.30 to 5.oo am. yet i usually wake up not because of the alarm but the prayers sound from a mosque near home around 4.30 am.

 

it’s like breaking promises you made to yourself, repeatedly.

 

imagine:

a friend of yours prrrromise to go to a big event, say, wedding reception, together with you. this promise had been remarked from a month before the reception. but then, suddenly, 3 days before, she bailed on you because she wanted to go to the wedding with her boyfriend. you won’t go to a wedding alone. even worse, you won’t go to a wedding as an escort for a couple.

 

when someone breaks his/her promise to you, perhaps like the scenario above, you can’t avoid feeling hurt.

if you somehow happened to split into 2 bodies, can you picture how hurtful you are from being bailed on repeatedly, by yourself?

 

but weirdly, we – or i – tend to keep promise made to other people.

 

i’ve been working as dental co-assistant for about 8 months now. and since then, lunch is something rare to do. i’d rather starve myself til the work done than go to the canteen to have lunch. half because of the canteen location is quite far from the clinic, half because of the continuous work in the clinic.

 

as a woman, every month we have this menstrual cycle. i often suffer from menstrual pain if i’m feeling unwell. once i had this killing pain i suspect because i skipped lunch practically every day for the past month and i worked way too hard at that time.

 

then last month i kinda suffer this condition again. a really good friend of mine made me promise to keep him posted every day for at least 3 days in a row that i would have lunch. surprisingly, i found that i’m keeping that promise better than i wake up to my own alarm everyday.

 

really weird.

 

and i don’t yet know why, lol.

 

however, i don’t wanna get hurt from broken promises. furthermore from the ones i made to myself. so yeah, i’m typing down my promise here.

 

i will try my best to start keeping my own promises.

 

pinky swear, lol.

 

-aga-

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