earlier this evening, my dad asked my brother and me to accompany him visiting a distant relative who happened to be hospitalized due to a tumor/cancer in his stomach area. i didn’t know that relative. but my dad said, that he is son of the brother of my great-grandmother. confusing, huh? hehehe

 

we went to the hospital, bringing a box of various breads. i always think that the breads i usually bring everytime i visit someone hospitalized aren’t meant to be eaten by the sick person. they’re usually eaten by the family attending the sick person. or even for the guests who come visit.

 

the hallways were long and quiet. it took about 7 minutes to reach the ward from the parking lot. and when we entered the ward, i could instantly feel this strange feeling. safe and peace yet insecure at the same time. with dominance of white colour everywhere, it could infer to clean and pure yet terrifying. and the smell. that particular smell of, i don’t know, faint 70% alcohol perhaps, in the air.

 

once brother of my grandfather was hospitalized at this ward, too. he was diagnosed with cancer attacking his colon. it was then operated and he was doing several times of chemotherapy. thankfully now he’s all better and as far as we know, he’s in remission from that colon cancer.

 

then we got into the room. this relative of mine was weakly lying on the bed, there was IV tube in his right wrist and one tube in his nose for oxygen, i guess. we stood around his bed, chatting with his family. little did we know that apparently, 2 weeks ago his wife just did her 7th or so chemo for her breasts cancer.

 

we stayed for awhile. talking about some stories, how he got diagnosed, how the operation went, and how they still waited for the result from the Pathology to see if he needed to have chemo or not. at this point, i looked around, and i wondered.

 

this relative of mine wasn’t young anymore. he’s about 60-something, or even 70? and he just got diagnosed with tumor few months ago. then i glanced to my father who was encouraging the family to never give up. and i had this sudden image of my mom in my head – she was visiting grandma, so she couldn’t join us visit this relative.

 

they are in their 50 next year. would they still be as healthy as they are now? my mom’s been complaining about her health, about her entering her menopause and everything felt not right. back pain, headache, appetite change, and else. i’ve never heard my dad complaining about his health, but he seems to get fatter, in tummy part, haha.

 

my mom always tells us to eat so much – and i do mean so much – veggies and fruits. she’d be mad if we eat snacks and soda too often. we don’t quite respect this behaviour. i mean, we finish the veggies and fruits eventually, but we usually finish them in unwillingness. and personally, i don’t really take my mom’s complain too seriously. i just said something like ‘you should rest’ or ‘how about seeing the doctor?’ or ‘i hope you’ll get better soon, mom’. it was never occurring to me that…

 

who knows that they would lay in bed in hospital one day?

 

i know that my mom had been hospitalized several times. couple times giving birth of me and my brother. one time having hemorrhoid removal. but i never picture if they would be needed to be treated for some particular disease. i guess i never really picture myself if i were needed to be hospitalized.

 

sometimes, i feel like asking my parents to have us all checked by MRI or full body CT scan to know if there’s something not right in our body. but then again it’s probably just a mere paranoia.

 

but i come to realize more, that i really should start to stop worrying about growing up because no matter what we do, the time isn’t halting, and we all are growing old. and our parents are growing old faster than we think.

 

people might say this in their wedding vow, but i think this line should have been already in heart of every children towards their parents. to be by their side in sickness and in health.

 

-aga-

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